It was an ordinary, dead-ass boring morning at Harper & Gray Accounting, the quietest office in the quietest town, Pinewood. The cubicles were filled with people crunching numbers, filing reports, and sipping shitty breakroom coffee, all blissfully unaware that today, their lives were about to be hit by a digital hurricane. The town had heard the rumors of Phonezilla—the giant, cracked-screen cell phone monster that had fucked up neighboring towns with filthy memes and bad advice. But nobody thought it would show up here.

Until now.

With a low, ominous buzz, the lights in the office flickered. People glanced up, figuring it was just a power glitch. Then, from nowhere, the ground gave a slight tremor, just enough to make the office coffee spill. And there it was—Phonezilla, strutting into Harper & Gray with a swagger that screamed "I’m here to ruin lives." The giant, cracked-screen beast flickered with notifications, and its tangled charging cord whipped around like it was ready to slap the shit out of anyone who got in its way.

Phonezilla was here to do one thing: turn this drab office into a hotbed of NSFW chaos.

Its first victim? Karen from HR. Known for her squeaky-clean, no-nonsense attitude, she’d fired people for less than a single curse word in an email. So, naturally, Phonezilla hacked into her work account and sent out an office-wide memo:

“Subject: New Office Policy — Sexy Friday Attire Encouraged! #NSFW ?”

The email elaborated: “From now on, Fridays are about bringing your hottest, sultriest looks to work. We’re here to work hard and look harder, am I right? ? Signed, Karen.” Attached? A photo of Karen’s face plastered onto a scandalous pin-up pose.

Karen looked up, mortified, as everyone’s phones buzzed with the memo. Faces went red, snickers broke out, and Karen? She looked ready to either faint or fire the entire office. Phonezilla cackled, flicking its charging cord like it was cracking a whip.

But Phonezilla wasn’t done.

Next up: Phil, the office’s painfully awkward IT guy, who couldn’t get through a meeting without dropping half his coffee. Phil was working quietly in his corner when his phone buzzed. He glanced down, and his face turned pale.

There, on his phone screen, was a NSFW meme of himself photoshopped into a cover of Playboy’s Geek Edition, complete with glasses and a “come-hither” look. Across the cover? “Phil, IT God: He’ll troubleshoot...and stimulate.” The caption below? “When you’re ‘tech support’ but everyone knows it’s about that hardware. ? #HotNerdVibes”

“WHAT THE HELL?!” Phil gasped, but it was too late. Phonezilla had already blasted the image across every screen in the office. People were cracking up, and poor Phil looked like he wanted to crawl under his desk.

Phonezilla was just getting warmed up.

It slithered over to Diane, the hard-nosed office manager known for her strict "no fun" policy. The kind of person who thought “Happy Birthday” decorations were a distraction. Phonezilla decided she needed a little spice in her day. Within seconds, it hacked her computer, changing her email signature to:

“Diane—Office Dom ? | I run a tight ship (and tighter meetings) #BossBabe”

Below that, it added a cringe-worthy quote: “Get ready to submit those timesheets. If you know what I mean.”

Diane’s inbox started flooding with replies. People were laughing, high-fiving each other, and Diane? She just sat there, horrified, knowing her reputation as a no-nonsense boss was fucked.

Phonezilla’s next target? Gary, the head accountant, known for his constant “business casual” lecture and his weird obsession with spreadsheets. With a flick of its screen, Phonezilla hacked into Gary’s calendar, adding a recurring event every Thursday titled, “Gary’s Thong Thursday: Casual Day But Make It Sexy ?.”

Gary’s face went beet red as his phone buzzed with event reminders. He frantically tried to delete the event, but Phonezilla had locked him out, ensuring that everyone in the office got a lovely reminder every week. The emails and messages poured in.

“Gary, never pegged you for a thong guy…respect!”

“Thong Thursday? Don’t tease us, Gary!”

Phonezilla was practically buzzing with glee as the office descended into chaos. But the NSFW Monster wasn’t stopping there. It had saved the best for last.

It hacked into the main office server, flashing a new policy on every screen:

“Attention, Harper & Gray Team: Due to recent events, every Friday will now include Mandatory Shirtless Meetings for increased team bonding. Signed, Management. #LetLoose”

And just to make things even worse? It plastered a photo of the CEO in a speedo across every digital display in the office.

The phones buzzed again, as Phonezilla sent out a town-wide notification challenging everyone to a new “Office NSFW Challenge”:

“NSFW Challenge: The best office meme wins an all-expenses-paid trip to Pinewood’s new club, The Risqué Room. Get snapping! #LetLoose #OfficeFreaks”

Phonezilla watched, giddy as hell, as the once-quiet office erupted into an absolute shitshow. People were laughing, yelling, snapping ridiculous photos of each other, and slinging out NSFW memes in a desperate race to outdo one another.

By the end of the day, Harper & Gray was a war zone of embarrassment, ruined reputations, and some seriously uncomfortable employees. Satisfied with the havoc it had unleashed, Phonezilla strutted out of the office with one final message flashing on every screen:

“Stay naughty, Pinewood. I’ll be back. ?”

And with that, the NSFW Monster disappeared into the night, leaving Harper & Gray to pick up the shattered pieces of its professional reputation.