Scene: A cozy suburban living room. Picture-perfect grandma knitting on the couch. She’s sweet, old, and could probably bake a pie so delicious you’d cry. But today, something’s different. The Wi-Fi router in the corner starts glowing red and humming ominously. A portal opens on the wall, and out crawl Wi-Fi demons, grotesque, glitchy creatures made of static and error messages, with pixelated claws.

Grandma (squinting through her bifocals): "What in the cornbread fuck is going on...?"

One demon, with a face like a buffering YouTube video, lunges at Grandma. She dodges with surprising agility for an 82-year-old woman.

Grandma: "Oh, hell no, you glitchy little shit!"

She yanks a knitting needle from her project and jabs it into the demon’s glitchy face. The demon screeches and pixelates into dust.

Grandma (shaking her head): "Tried to fuck with my Wi-Fi? Not today, assholes!"

The camera pans to show her grandkids sitting nearby, glued to their tablets, totally oblivious to the demonic invasion happening around them.

Grandkid 1 (without looking up): "Grandma, the internet’s slow again."

Grandkid 2: "Ugh, why the fuck is Netflix buffering? Can you fix it?"

Grandma: "Fix it? I’m trying to save your ungrateful little asses from a digital apocalypse! Hold tight!"

More Wi-Fi demons crawl out of the portal, snarling and growling. One has a giant modem for a head, another has arms made of tangled Ethernet cables. Grandma cracks her knuckles and grabs her wooden spoon, because every grandma knows that’s a secret weapon.

Grandma (grinning): "I told your mama I didn’t need no Geek Squad. Let’s fucking go!"

She swings the spoon like a medieval weapon, smashing a demon with a spinning beach ball of death for a face.

Demon 1 (gargling in binary): "ERROR 404! ERROR 404!"

Grandma (yelling): "Damn straight, 404! You’re about to be not found, motherfucker!"

She throws a crocheted blanket over another demon, trapping it like a spider in a web.

Grandkid 1 (still distracted): "Grandma, can you reboot the router?"

Grandkid 2: "Yeah, just like, reset it or something."

Grandma doesn’t even bother to answer. She grabs a jar of cookies and starts tossing them like grenades. The cookies explode in mid-air, showering the demons with chocolate chip shrapnel.

Demon 2: "COOKIE PROTOCOL OVERLOAD! SYSTEM CRASHING!"

The demon collapses into a pile of broken code. The Wi-Fi portal starts to flicker as the demons retreat, screeching and snarling, but Grandma isn’t done yet. She marches over to the router, still glowing red, and gives it a death glare.

Grandma (menacingly): "You think you can fuck with my Wi-Fi, too? Bitch, I fought the Cold War, raised four kids, and survived dial-up. You don’t stand a goddamn chance."

She winds up and whacks the router with her spoon, hard. The screen flashes, and the Wi-Fi demons disappear. The portal snaps shut.

[Silence. The house is normal again. Grandma dusts off her hands and goes back to her knitting.]

Grandkid 1: "Uh, the Wi-Fi’s back. Thanks, Grandma."

Grandkid 2: "Yeah, but can you fix the TV? It’s glitching."

[Grandma narrows her eyes at the TV as it flickers with a weird, cursed glow. Her spoon’s ready.]

Grandma: "Oh, I’ll fix it, alright..."

[Cut to black.]

Voiceover: "Grandma Shark vs. The Wi-Fi Demons. Coming to a living room near you. Don’t forget to clear your fucking cache... or else